It's yours and mine, the bus.
I ride, you drive.
I say hello and you wonder why.
I have been trying to make you smile for almost a year.
All the others were a cinch compared to angry you.
It didn't help matters when my kid threw up on your bus.
Today you cast a small reply to my hello and I was shocked.
I should have treasured that for a while.
But my greed took over and I wanted more.
Approaching you I knew you'd probably deny my gift.
But anticipating the worst doesn't ease the shock when it actually happens.
I begged you to take it, in extended arm, broken language, pleading eyes.
It was a moment of disaster.
But now I know you couldn't take it.
After all ,how could you continue being mean to me every day,
after you accepted my kindness, even small.
You need more time to step out of self hate and let yourself be loved.
You need more time to learn that when people offer you something
that they don't always want something in return.
But I guess I did. I wanted you to smile.
I ride, you drive.
I say hello and you wonder why.
I have been trying to make you smile for almost a year.
All the others were a cinch compared to angry you.
It didn't help matters when my kid threw up on your bus.
Today you cast a small reply to my hello and I was shocked.
I should have treasured that for a while.
But my greed took over and I wanted more.
Approaching you I knew you'd probably deny my gift.
But anticipating the worst doesn't ease the shock when it actually happens.
I begged you to take it, in extended arm, broken language, pleading eyes.
It was a moment of disaster.
But now I know you couldn't take it.
After all ,how could you continue being mean to me every day,
after you accepted my kindness, even small.
You need more time to step out of self hate and let yourself be loved.
You need more time to learn that when people offer you something
that they don't always want something in return.
But I guess I did. I wanted you to smile.
I enjoyed reading this, I can imagine the scene and you on the bus each day.
ReplyDeleteRemember reading this last year...very good. Did he end up stepping out of his self hate and let himself be loved.
ReplyDeleteI know you miss your bus :( i guess you could ride one around here just for the heck of it. :)
This is lovely. I love how brave you were to keep putting yourself out there with this person, even in the face of harsh, cold rejection. Taking risks is so worth it. This inspires me to take more risks. Keeps life interesting.
ReplyDelete