The Helio Sequence - Lately

Truth in Opposites

I recently heard someone (important) say that most of our troubles in our lives and in the world are caused by lies. Lies told on purpose, or lies we tell ourselves, or lies that are mutations of the truth we are too eager to believe for our own purposes. We accept them like our monthly bills, we open them up, read them exactly as they are, and pay them accordingly. Taking the extra time to figure out if there have been any mistakes on the bill, and then arguing with sender is just too taxing and takes too much time. Just open it, read it, pay it. Mistakes in understanding don't exactly expose intent.

Well,  thinking about lies and misconceptions we easily accept got me to think about forms of expressions. I am probably not the only one that expresses myself in ways other than straight and obvious truth. In fact, sometimes expressions are far less direct than we can clearly see, and its hard to make any sense at all of what message you are trying to understand.

Expressing myself is hard work. Getting anyone to buy what I am saying most of the time is even harder. People even expect lies, extrapolations, omissions. We live among ghosts of reality, sneaking around in between conversations, but not often clearly revealing themselves, unless we hunt them. I find myself joking, singing, tiptoeing around, writing poetry, songs, and stories, all for the purpose of exposing what I feel is important. I wonder how many feel this way. I am sure I am not alone. 

Understanding others' messages can be even more difficult, especially when its hard to even know when they are not being direct. This song is an example.(I have included it in the Blog - The Helio Sequence, Lately) If you listen to it a first time, like you're just opening the good old mail..you hear a guy denouncing any feelings left for a person he has left behind. What a jerk. Who wants to hear they aren't missed.

 A second listen (since it is a good song) divulges to me, that he wouldn't be singing this song if he didn't feel the exact opposite. Why would he spend the time to think and sing about not needing  his lost one. Its obvious he is struggling in his own loneliness and sorrow. He is pitiful, and I wish I could comfort him. 

And all it took was one extra listen to the song. He must have loved her a lot. His intention here was to express the pain of losing his lover. 

It made me wonder, how many times in my life have I heard someone's words and not gotten the message at all? Worse yet, gotten the exact opposite message. Maybe it's worth it to give things a second visit, a second chance to be heard, interpreted, understood. Perhaps clarity in the message comes from focusing on the intent.

I recently figured out that there is guy in my life who does a lot of shinnanigans while giving his messages. I used to  listen to what he had to say, and do my best to follow his suggestions. But sometimes, I just felt he was confusing, if not downright absurd. His comments or suggestions were not consistent with who I knew him to be. In a confused state of mind, I would tend to get miffed and start to ignore him. I can do what I think is best, his opinion is nice, his stories are interesting, but sometimes I just don't get him at all. What can I do? It's easier just to dismiss him, since I don't get him anyways. 

But the guy just won't seem to go away. He keeps coming back, telling me more, asking me to go here and there, and if you know me, you know I am pretty much up for any kind of trip. 

I've been watching him a little more carefully. (after all, it's all about listening). It dawned on me, that since people (and I) tended not to always listen to what he was saying straight up, he found that  humour, re framing, even blatant irony, sarcasm and absurdity were better ways to get me and others to listen to him. I realized he had good reasons for what I thought was nonsense at times. And now, I look at it, I take a second look, I call the company and refuse to pay the bill until I know what the charges are for. 

Take a look at Luke 10 25-37. It's a good window into what I mean. 

 A higher-up member in religious society encounters Jesus and takes the opportunity to get the big answer. He asks, "What do I have to do to get eternal life?". 

Jesus responds, "Why do you ask me? You are the expert on the Laws of Moses, you know this answer." (after all, Jesus was just a free spirited young guy spreading new-age crap, so how would he know?). 

The religious guy starts spouting the commandments..which we all know. He got to the one regarding love towards our neighbour.

 "You must love your neighbour as yourself" he said proudly. (within your own church, of course)

Jesus remarked, "See, you knew it all along". Aha..Sarcasm, " Do this, follow the Law of Moses, and you will live forever!" he laughs. I can just see him sitting, picking a piece of grass or playing with some pebbles, and just going, man, you have got it SO wrong.

Then we see Jesus develop a well laid out plan of satire, adopting the mindset of the 'holier than though' he stood with. In order to expose such a foolish way of thinking, he develops it along with this guy, using the guys already existing legalistic frame of understanding. 

"So if I respond to all the needs of the people around me, I will live forever?!" asked the guy.

"Let me ask you a question, after this little story, " says Jesus. He tells him of the Good Samaritan. 

"Which of these guys is your neighbour, the priest that passed by, Levite that passed by, or the Samaritan that stopped to help this guy, despite all the issues between their peoples?"

The guy thinks, already embarrassed at his stupidity and says, "The Samaritan, of course, for he had mercy upon the fallen man."

"Right, " says Jesus, with another laugh. 

"You got it, now go and do likewise" he says, knowing it's not at all  likely. 

The puzzled 'holy man' sits for a while, as Jesus walks on. He wonders, how can I possibly have mercy on all my enemies, all those within my community and also those outside of it. I am only one person, and I have limited resource, and I really don't see how I can do this. He is overwhelmed and confused.

"Jesus!" he yells.

Jesus turns back. 

" It's impossible to have mercy on all those who require it, and love everyone endlessly, for I am one man, and I can only do what one man can do! It involves too much sacrifice, too much risk, all my resources! It's impossible!" 

Jesus smiles, this time a larger smile. "Right", he says. 

In his brilliant way, he used a playful way to get this headstrong and blocked 'holy' (self righteous) man to see that his interpretation of the laws were foolish and the way is much more simple than that. He exposed foolishness just by going along with the man, allowing him to figure it out on his own through the process of receiving the message, answering it himself, even if he was wrong along the way. 

There are no laws, no quick answers, and it won't require much sacrifice. The religious guy is able to laugh at himself and his foolish thought process. This was the intent Jesus must have had.

I am beginning to know this guy on a whole new level now. He is full of poem, play, symbolism, satire, and more. He delivers messages in ways that are much more interesting to me, but also require more investment in him, and more trust in his true nature, in his intent. He allows me to have foolish answers, wrong interpretation, but if I keep following, I eventually get to the clear and true answers. I am less inclined to dismiss his messages as inconsistent overwhelming useless twitters. I am even looking for truth in opposites.

copyright Theresa Ullyot 2010

with inspiration and assistance from Michael Frost, "Jesus, the Fool" (Hendrickson Publishers, 2010)

The Key to Getting it is Not Getting it at All.

There was a lady named Violet, who lived in a big beautiful house which she inherited from her late second husband. She had been left a nice house and a good car, fully paid for, enough money to pay all the bills, beautiful gardens and even a gardener who came once a week. 

What good luck, the neighbours said. Maybe, she said. 

One day there was a storm and one of her big trees fell on her car. Smashed it right into the pavement of her driveway. It was a write-off. The neighbours came to share their condolences. 

What a shame, they said. Maybe, she said. 

A week later two brand new cars were delivered to her driveway. The insurance had come through and  paid out a fair bit more than the first car was worth. Now she had a regular car and a convertible. The  neighbours congratulated her. 

What great news, they said. Maybe, she said. 

A few months passed by and Violet took her convertible for a drive. It began to rain and she tried to put up the roof of her new car. All the fiddling about caused her to veer off the road and hit a pole. She was taken to the hospital to treat minor injuries and they thought it best to keep her overnight for observation due to her age. The neighbours heard. 

What bad luck, they said. Maybe, she said. 

The night she stayed in hospital for observation, the neighbours heard a loud bang and rushed to their windows to find Violet's house fully ablaze. Investigation revealed that there had been a gas leak from the tree falling incident, which had ignited by a spark from one of her appliances. The house was destroyed. The neighbours rushed to the hospital to tell Violet the news. Your house is gone, they said, but you were here safe, in the hospital, with no injuries, how wonderful, they said. 

Maybe, she said. 

(inspired by an old Chinese Taoist story via Michael Frost)

Old Crow Medicine Show - Wagon Wheel

Deer Tick-Dirty Dishes

Alan Hirsh and Michael Frost - changing the meaning of the word MISSION

This is a great blog.

Shapevine Missional Training And Learning Resources

Alan Hirsh has some incredible insight on how the word and idea of mission work is changing. I am also incredibly inspired by a very bright yet down to earth guy named Michael Frost who hails from Australia. I saw him present at a recent conference hosted by Vision Ministries, right here in Waterloo last weekend. I am looking forward to digging into more or their work. They redefine what it means to 'know God' by taking a literal look at who Jesus was. It is nothing less than mind-set shattering. They also suggest that perhaps the traditional ways the large churches have approached mission work is not how Jesus would have done it. True effective mission work means to become part of the folks you are serving, (not self righteously to tell them what to do, but to learn from them what they are doing already and move from there).

I am inspired by a newer entrepreneur in mission named Nigel Barham, who is the founder of MOVEIN, which has followers of Christ actual move in to some of Toronto's high needs neighborhoods and live as Jesus would have serve the community they become part of. (www.movein.to). pretty inspiring. You'll hear more about these people for sure.

Today I read a great summary of the main causes of the world's poorest countries continuing to be poor.It is part of the summary of the book, The Bottom Billion: Why the Poorest Countries Are Failing and What Can Be Done About It by Paul Collier brought to us by David Mays. It gives a good overview and was well worth the time it took to read. 


There's lots going on. 

There's listening, and then there's listening.

A group of churches in our community are taking the month of May to give back to the community. They are coming together despite the differences in their beliefs and practices to exercise a common belief. If you want to show true love, serve others. Pretty simple. I love to see simplicity. I have to admit, I'm not always good at keeping things simple, when it's most required especially. I love this campaign, and am sorry I didn't see it sooner. However, I am thankful I saw it at all.

For an odd unknown reason, I needed to purchase a paper copy of The Record yesterday, and one day late at that. I said to the teller, I don't usually buy newspapers, because life is so busy, I am used to just going after exactly what I want to find on the internet. But yesterday, I felt I needed information to come to me instead, opening up the possibility that the universe would provide me with some new piece of information I may need for the days to come. Back to coincidence, or fate, or synergy, or God, depending on who you are and what you want to call it.

So, I opened the paper and I listened. For these church groups, May has been designated as a month for giving back. For me, in my own immediate life, I am starting a few steps behind. First, I have to know what is truly going on, then I might have a chance at knowing what is required of me. It seems I spend so much time planning, executing, assessing the aftermath. This is all great, but it can also make reality harder to find. What's really going on can get lost in the chaos of life. If you want to see you have to look. If you want to hear, you have to be quiet..and listen.

So, in the month of May, I am listening. At the beginning and ending of each day, I will take pause to record what I have heard, but also, how I have listened. I am ecstatic in anticipation of what I might hear. When you listen to life, I believe, it talks to you, lays down straight where things are at. Much like I feel when I think about doing push ups (which I haven't done in far too long), I know it's going to be a challenge at first.

Opportunities to listen. I am sure there are tons I have ignored most of my life.  There is listening to someone, and then there is listening to hear what they are really saying. How much will I hear if I listen to the people around me, messages from different sources out there, the silence.

I'll start today, with mindful listening. The first thing I hear is that a certain three point five year old needs some fresh air. Maybe we can join one of the churches in their park clean up.

Mother's Day is coming

She liked Lily of the Valley.
She loved animals.
She would have made a good veterinarian.
She was very chatty with the people she met met along the way.
I wonder if people rushed her when she chatted with these people..the UPS guy, or woman selling milk at Beckers, a man at the post office.
I wish I could tell her, I totally get it now.

The things you never plan for..

It's 5: 30, almost dark, unfortunately, in the winter. We are in the car, headed to watch my little God son's hockey game.
"Mama," she says from the back seat.
Her car seat is getting too small for her. Come to think of it, I've known for two weeks now, she is 42 pounds, big enough for a booster seat. Saw them on sale in a flyer. Need to get on that.
'Yes, hun, " as I have said a thousand times, with a thousand mini but hugificent questions she asks.
We have just driven by a cemetery.
"Is that where Grama is, Mama?"
How do I go about answering that. She interrupts anyways.
"Why did grama die? Am I gonna die mama? Am I gonna go to Heaven? Are you gonna die too?"
Shit. I thought these were glorified moments of TV drama, not real!
"Is Grampa gonna die?"
Ok, think..
"Yes, honey, some day..but he is still young, and healthy, he will be around for a long time too, so don't worry"
"Grama was old then Mama, wasn't she? She had to go to Heaven where old people go. Old people die Mama, right, old people are in Heaven"
don't lie to your children, don't lie to your children...
But she is still too young to make sense of this. Do they really have an innate sense, this young, to start asking questions this meaningful?
"Well honey, Grama was very sick, so she wasn't old, she was still pretty young, but she had to finish her time here, it was hard for her, and she had to go be in Heaven with God where it's better for her"
"She was my Grama, right Mama? She was your Mama...and she was my Grama?"
Is there a day I don't wish she was here to meet you Avaih?
"Yes, Avaih, she is your Grama"
"But she died, Mama, but she wasn't old"
I have no idea what to say.
"But Mama, what about Grampa, he is gonna die soon, right?"
Hmmm, shit, yeah, i guess..sort of, relatively, well, how knows, sort it out T, you are a grown up..
"Honey, we never know when we are gonna be done here and go to Heaven to be with God. But when we go, we are ok, and Heaven is a nice place, with God who loves you, and with princesses and castles and fairies and all kinds of candy"
I can't see her face, it's darker and there's a lot of traffic at this time of night.
Thank goodness she can't see mine.
"So Mama, I'm gonna tell Grampa he's gonna get candy and see princesses soon Mama,"
Oh no, wow, didn't expect this so soon. I can't have her saying that to Dad. Who wants to ever hear something like that.
"No no, honey, it's best you don't do that, see Grampa might be sad about saying goodbye, and so we shouldn't really talk about it much, you know, just talk to mommy about.."
She interrupts.
"Ok Mama, we won't tell Grampa he is gonna go to Heaven soon cause he is old and have candy and princesses. But can I go too Mama, I'll come back, I promise, I won't stay too long,and I will bring Grama back too Mama, to see you. I will go with Grampa"
The reds and yellows of the cars' lights, green of the go light, though they are more blurry tonight, take one of my hands and guide me towards home. The reality of it sinks from the surface towards the inside.
I think.
Thank God for every day I hear the little thunk of your feet hitting the floor out of bed, and the twist of the bedroom door, and then, "Mama, get up, get up, let's go downstairs, I'm hungry."
Every day is a gift. Such a cliche, but I don't even care.

Happy Birthday, to my Mama, this week you would be 57. I can't believe it.
I try to imagine, what you would look like. Can you believe it's been ten years Mom, ten years..so long, but also so short. The blink of an eye. But also 100 years, stretched as thin as possible, especially when I really need you.
I remember the good times, and I remember the good things you taught me, and I am trying to do a good job of keeping those things in my everyday, and teaching those good things to your granddaughter.

We will never forget you in our day to day. Your virtues are alive and well in us every day, and are carried on through our generations. Happy Birthday Mom. (January 28, 2010.January 28, 1953.)

Fighting with the last little while..

Ever find the climb is so steep you can't see what's ahead of you? Or how close you are to the top? So, weary and inspiration run dry, you go back down before ever reaching your final destination. It's only when you get to the very bottom again that you can see how close you came to reaching the top. The only thing to do is now is to remember how close you came, so next time you can keep on going.

The last few laps are always the longest, the hottest, the driest, when muscles are fatigued, hearts have sunken low.

I think, often our preparations get even more unbearable just before we are about to realize achievement of our goal. The trick is to remember this during the struggle, and use it to power through.

"Many of life's failures are people who don't realize how close they were to success when they gave up. " Thomas Edison

I'll try not to give up on what I believe in, and do what I think I am here to do.